An simple answer from r. India made me cry & think whole night. My sad little life seem to have no hope & i might die of loneliness.

An simple answer from r. India made me cry & think whole night. My sad little life seem to have no hope & i might die of loneliness.

1 Op ask question about his SIL joining cult & 1 of the answer include lines which says ” It takes a very long time for someone to feel dejected and rejected from others that when someone gives them just a little bit of attention, they devote themselves to it” This made me extremely emotional as same happen with me.

I’m UNWANTED daughter. Since childhood, basically entire life my parents LITERALLY NEVER EVER talk nicely to me. Not even for once.
I did everything to impress them. I even used to score 100/100 in exams hoping to get at least little bit of attention & love or at least few kind words but i never got that.

every time they look at me, i can see their eyes are always filled with hate anger & disgust. It hurt me so badly that i can’t express in words.

I was never able to make friends. & my family never liked me.
Every couple I’ve seen so far cheated on each other so I’m afraid to date & decided to not date or marry. In short nobody in the world care about me. I might die alon & Might die because of loneliness.

I thought If i concentrate on my career, get good job or business i might forget the pain of being so hated & neglected but after reading that Question & answer i don’t think this feeling of loneliness ever going to go away.
That OP’s SIL didn’t heal even after having family who seemingly care enough to think about her.
But In my case, i have absolutely no1 who would care if i suddenly disappear or die.

Like described in that answer , now my mental condition is so bad that whenever someone give even little bit attention to me, i devote myself to them.
I’m afraid I’ll be 1 of those ppl who get into bad stuff because of loneliness & depression.

I’m afraid of such sad & lonely life. I can’t get therapy.
Sometimes I feel like i don’t want to learn to cope with problem ( by getting therapy) but i want to solve this problem (by getting love of my parents) but it’s obvious impossible.

So My life seem hopeless. Is there any way out of this loneliness? Or am i gonna die of loneliness.


View on r/India by Billieminati


  1. I’m sorry you’ve had such a traumatic life.

    Parents are a very important figure in our life and their acceptance of us is a very basic requirement which you’ve hardly ever got.

    As much as it will be difficult, you should open up to people, make a friend, or get a pet. The first step is to love life and to love yourself.

    Loneliness is a part of it and it will always remain but life has some bright aspects to it too if you open yourself to it.

    And you can simply take small steps towards it, don’t have to jump in all at once.

    Step by step it gets easier and you’ll feel better.

  2. >” I was never able to make friends. & my family never liked me. Every couple I’ve seen so far cheated on each other so I’m afraid to date & decided to not date or marry. ”

    What? dont be that scared, its better to fall in love and lose it than not feeling that emotion at all, and when it comes to friendships i think u already know but the most u can do for creating long term friends is that u dont let those relations go away and hold onto the people u find that make u feel nice.

  3. Loneliness is a state of mind. You have been programmed to think that you will be happy if you are with people. I know lots of popular people who are miserable. You can be with no one and still be happy. Do something that makes you happy. Only do things that make you happy. If someone doesn’t like you or didn’t like you that’s their problem. You do you.

  4. I will share my example…if it helps. So I grew up in a dysfunctional family. No matter what I did I wasn’t good enough for my mother. To cut a very very complicated short….the day I realised that I am going to have to embrace my loneliness.and move forward was an empowering one…. focus on your job…get health insurance, set up a NPS Account, set up SIPs….and DO NOT tell anyone about your investments. Secure yourself financially and DO NOT touch this money till you are 50 years old (and thank me !)
    Don’t chase people….at the same time just be normal with those with whom you interact…and get on with life. Trust me, you will have good people coming into your life. Don’t expect to be surrounded by loads of friends etc….one or two good friends suffice.
    Stay strong. You got this.

  5. OP – this might work for you. Take care.

    [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_hI7JNsbt0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_hI7JNsbt0)

    Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) is an action-oriented approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that stems from traditional behavior therapy and [cognitive behavioral](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/cognitive-behavioral-therapy) therapy. Clients learn to stop avoiding, denying, and struggling with their inner emotions and, instead, accept that these deeper feelings are appropriate responses to certain situations that should not prevent them from moving forward in their lives. With this understanding, clients begin to accept their hardships and commit to making necessary changes in their behavior, regardless of what is going on in their lives and how they feel about it.

  6. See, whatever u do to kill loneliness it is gonna be temporary only. Whether u do job, go out with friends or do any xyz work, u will feel entertained only till the time u are doing that work.

    The real loneliness kicks in when u lie on bed, going to sleep. That is the moment when u look back into ur life, what has happened and what is happening?

    Only way to counter is that u need to learn to live with it. U need to console urself when u cry, u need to motivate urself when u feel demotivated. There is no other way.

    Yes, u can have friends who will help u in this but again that is only till a certain extent, this is ur journey and u only have to drive through this.
    For sure u will fail sometime, we all do ,but what’s imp is that u keep trying to fight that.

  7. Remove yourself entirely from your parents, it hurts, but you’re more important, and you need to care for yourself if nobody else would, you’re the only one you have, and it’s better to live alone, than be with people that make you feel alone, find friends, family, anyone, if you don’t matter to your parents, they don’t matter to you, simply leave

  8. If your parents are like that, study hard and get a good job so that you can be financially independent, live your life to the fullest. Go on trips, meet new people, make friends. There will be definitely someone out there who will love you. So for now, focus on your career.

  9. This made me cry so much. I can so relate to the career part. All my life I’ve focused on studies and career because i felt wanted when i excelled. Been in some relationships where the guys treated me like a nobody and it scarred me and my confidence. Been single lately and some close friends of mine started caring for me. I an so attached at the moment and it is so draining.

  10. We are here for you.
    I don’t know if you want us to give you advice, or if you want us to just hear you out. But whatever you wish, I hope you get here.
    We just want to tell you thay you aren’t alone, I cannot imagine the pain you are going through and I cannot imagine being a parent and not having an ounce of love for their children.

    Maybe that’s life.
    Maybe that’s how the world is supposed to work for you and you will have to learn your own way or working out with the world.

    Being vulnerable and prone to being misguided are the things you need to be working on. rational decisions may help you get along with this cruel world.

    If you need any support, anu suggestions you can always come to us and we will be here for you.

    We would like you to accept our hand in friendship or maybe even consider us your extended family.

    Hoping to read some more posts from you and get to know that you are doing good.

    Stay strong kiddo.

  11. > ” It takes a very long time for someone to feel dejected and rejected from others that when someone gives them just a little bit of attention, they devote themselves to it”

    Kitne dinon ke pyase honge yaaron socho to
    Shabnam ka katra bhi jinko dariya lagta hai [src](https://www.lyricsmotion.com/song/lyrics/deewaron-se-milkar-rona)

    My friend, don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are worthless, that you don’t matter, and that your life is meaningless! [You Are A Miracle](https://thoughtcatalog.com/nikita-gill/2017/08/this-is-how-you-know-you-are-a-miracle/).

  12. Welcome to realizing that you have been emotionally abused. I left home when I was 18 and maintained minimal contact with them. By the age of 28, due to my own fault, I briefly became dependent on them, and that’s when they showed me how little they actually cared. I was merely an investment that didn’t yield results. I managed to get back on my own feet and now maintain even less contact with them than before. I suggest you work towards your financial independence and plan to leave the place where there is no respect for you.

    As for feeling lonely, remember that people come and go. We can hold some people close, and they will hold us close too, but often, relationships have an expiry date. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t form new connections. It just means recognizing that things will come to an end; such is life. The best we can do is ensure that we remember with warmth the lives we touch and that we are remembered fondly. Take care

  13. I share your dread in relationships. Saw many people get cheated on and its only increasing. But I’m sorry for your own family. Till you figure out something else, can you keep a pet. Maybe it would help a bit…

  14. Look ur life is depressed it doesn’t mean u join a useless cult which make ur life suck even more. Instead of that y can join a club and meet people who share the same hobby as you. U r an intelligent girl, do a job, earn money and move out of ur parents house, they are making u depressed.

  15. Hey OP, after reading a lot of the comments I had to give you this option too. Please visit a therapist. They will help a lot with the depression. And for the loneliness, there sadly is only 1 solution, which is that you have to let yourself be vulnerable.

    I am sure its very difficult for you to do that right now, so maybe start small, just join some discord group or a book club or any hobby that you have/interested in. Then in the said club, maybe offer to bring snacks or make small talk with people. Even joining an online group in the beginning helps getting you comfortable with others.

    But above all you should definitely talk to a therapist that you feel comfortable with (this is very important as your might need to visit a couple of therapists before you find the one “for you”)

    Hope the situation gets better. 🙂

  16. First of all… Just know that sometimes parents and Toxic and not ALL parents are good. Most of the time.. Atleast one of the parents is toxic. And it is very rare that both are loving…

    Hope this calms you down little bit knowing there are people out there and they live great life. Don’t make your life about your non loving parents.

    There are parents who mentally and physically abuse even boys on daily basis. Rape and even kill their children… There are several posts on reddit where you will find you are in much better place.

    Also that doesn’t invalidate what you are going through.

    Secondly… There are groups and communities on reddit and Facebook much active about toxic parents. There you will find people who have gone through such abuse.

    Also if you earn do take help with therapy. Make sure your therapist is really good.

    I have one narcissist parent. And I don’t want anything to do with him. So it does give me PTSD. But I focus on other life things. There was a time when I used to cry for such love. But not anymore… The more you cry the more you will feel pain.

    You can learn Reiki online from best Institute that is cheap and may help you. If you really focus.

  17. Here is a stepwise solution. And its coming from someone who has been through the same (one of eleven kids with no money or time ever for kids )

    1. You need to start loving yourself. YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You have to start giving importance to ‘you’ .
    2. Learn to say no – or don’t take up additional work to please anyone.
    3. Learn to enjoy your own company – go out for meals, go to a park, movie and if you can afford – travel. Don’t feel guilty to buy things for yourself. Cook nice meals for yourself.
    4. Ready for rebuke/retaliation/taunts/ridicule. IT WILL HAPPEN.
    5. Only when you are comfortable being yourself – you can deal with others.
    6. Being financially independent is very important. It may not happen in one go – but will happen. As you suggest you get good grades – keep working. Your job and career will make a big difference.
    7. Take your time. be kind to yourself – don’t criticize your own mistakes. Love yourself like you will do to a child of yours. – and let yourself grow.
    8. Once you know that you are on your own and that you can take care of yourself – no parents, friends, husband, wife, relatives needed – You will be at peace.
    9. Only after you are at peace at yourself – attempt for a relationship. You will know when to say no and how to set boundaries.

  18. Heyy, I know how this feels. I’m going through something similar. I haven’t given up on myself yet and I won’t in the future (hopefully).

    reading a few comments here, I’ve realised that you’re doing a really good job by following your passion and adopting pets. That’s amazing!
    Nevertheless, feel free to hmu if you wanna chat.. 🙂

  19. hard truth. therapy would definitely help you. treat of it as a way to get to the bottom of this stuff. i wish i had been to therapy, but fortunately i have worked on my issues but it took eternity to get there.

  20. I really hate those parents who neglect their kids especially daughters

    They have something so precious in their life yet have no idea

    I have seen my parents suffering because of losing a child. The pain, the trauma, the feeling of helplessness has no comparison

    I have encountered many situations where I was helpless to them because all they needed at that time was their daughter.

  21. OP, I was typing a possible workaround but things don’t seem to add up or probably the limited text doesn’t allow me to gather that. Did you talk straight to your parents about this, as explicitly as you mentioned things here?

  22. Fall in love , for woman given the shortage it won’t be difficult . There are many nice guys in the pool of horny ones . Both can co-exist too . You aren’t alone in being alone – many people are alone . Solve for it

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  24. 1) Remove yourself from your current environment, it just makes things worse. I always felt horrible at home.

    2) Do things that make you happy. Treat yourself with food/ice cream, buy gifts for yourself.

    3) Start exercising and keep it up for a few months, it really helped me and research shows it helps.

    4) Try to reduce the negative thoughts in your mind. I used to think the same way and it just made everything horrible. Until you change your mindset, nothing will change.

  25. There is no substitute to Human ‘Connection’, Heck even regular interaction is not even close to being a substitute. People here may offer alternatives but even someone with a gazillion hobbies need somebody to share whatever he/she felt else it’s all dust.

    Whatever you said here is something you have to find a way to relay to an individual you know irl, It involves a lot of risk but that the only way out of this chasm.

  26. Its your desperate need to be loved, that probably turns people off. People can smell desperation a mile off.
    I would suggest you read ‘the secret’ or ‘the power of your subconcious mind’ by joseph murphy. These LOA books, will at least teach you the importance of getting your thinking straight. By that I mean, they teach that the outside life is a mirror of our inner conversations and thoughts. So, maybe its time you work on your inner world first.

  27. Hi,
    I know the feeling of loneliness and getting attached to someone who gives 1% of attention. Throughout my college, if anyone spoke to me for more than few minutes, I would probably think they are my new best friends. I sat with a bunch of local-ites and my only connection with the college and them is the mobile game we play in recess. Otherwise, I would have been in the corner and invisible.
    Even today, I feel like kicking the bucket because I have not “made it” in terms of career or life or have a social group. But I do me. I dont care. I am not out to change the world. I am here to have a good life to the extent I can and move on.
    So, you do you. You like few activities you mentioned, do those. Try a bit venturing out in those related activities clubs or something to find new people. Or do it for yourself and release it to the world, maybe it will catch someone’s eye and they will connect with you. You do you.

    Your parents are from an older generation and they are stuck in their mindset of older ways or narrower ways and may realize their wrongdoings in the future or not. The family dynamics are always a mystery. We are in a country where honor killings and female feticide/daughter abortions still happen today, even with educated folks. Maybe few more “educated” generations are required to root out this problem.
    You become financially independent first. Seek other family members who will not shun you away and you start building relationship with them instead. Maybe dada/dadi/nana/nani or mama/mami and scores of other family relatives. Show them some love and maybe they will shower you with love you have been missing in your life. It might work out.

    Few of the answers here by redditors are all good advice. One of them mentioned to make a new friend or get a pet. My goal is to get a pet (dogs first, then cats). They are wonderful social animals. Few studies have shown that animals as pets are calming, helps with confidence, alleviates anxiety and builds up love and connection with life.
    At one point of time, the highlight of my entire week was visiting a dog park on a Sunday morning. Once I left the park, I again felt the dread of life, nothing much to do and no one to talk to. I want a pet, so atleast I can get rid of this feeling. Then will tackle another problem.
    I even went on omegle many times to talk to random people. Downloaded few apps to find people to talk to. My idea of socialising is talking to the chai wala or eating in a restaurant for a change instead of my PG. Quite narrow.

    There’s no quick solution for the years of neglect you have endured. You have to find a solution and keep finding a solution that works for you to erase the dreaded feeling.
    Sorry, if I added lot of details about myself instead of giving useful replies to your solution. My only intention was to say you are not alone, I also feel lonely and many of us also feel lonely in our ways.
    You have it in your mind that you are an unwanted daughter. Lets walk away from that and become a good person who is wanted in someone else’s life. Maybe another person or a pet or your future self.

    In case you want to have a friend here, feel free to message me here.

  28. I’m sorry things have been like this, best advice is to forget your parents and move on with life even if it’s hard. Explore a little and make some friends. Thing that helped the most during depressed times were green. Smoke and feel happy, this is just a short term fix tho.

    Hope things get better for you.

  29. Right people will always come to your side, you just need to keep yourself open and approachable.

    Don’t try to work hard for someone’s attention, even parents, it’ll only increase their expectations and it’s all back to square one. Work on yourself, do what you like, get out of comfort zone, but for yourself, work on your career (which is most important) as I said, you will find the right people, people who are worth chasing for. Reach out to friends when feeling lonely but don’t expect them to understand you always… keep moving until you find the right people, it’ll come, with patience 🙂

    Also work towards what makes you happy, coz in the end.. it’ll what everyone wants.. be a bit selfish about it.

  30. Do not know what age you are , but getting away from your toxic parents and being financially independent should be your first priority. This will give you freedom to take decisions which positively affect you.. Accept the fact that you have an uncaring family. Do not let their behavior affect you , Others can harm you only if you allow them to. Try and find joy in other things. Remember this is is going to be a long journey of self discovery and acceptance for you , do not expect any silver bullet solutions for your situation. See a therapist ASAP if you find you are unable to change things yourself.

  31. Hey, hey, you seem very stressed. And you seem like you’re spiralling.

    I know how it feels and I know how stressful it is to not have a “normal” life.

    While my family is okayish, I do have other problems which lead me to not have a good life. Even though on outside, everyone would think, what problems does he have? He can easily do it. But no, it’s not easy when you’ve to fight your mind to make yourself move out of your bed everyday.

    No I’m not depressed, I’ve anxiety.

    Is there any way out of this?

    I have started with baby steps. Can’t make friends? Talk to people online. My dms are open. Can’t go out in informal ways? Go out alone and enjoy things. Can’t focus on anything? Do things you like, like painting or drawing always grounds me.

    I know these might seem like temporary solutions but they’re not. When you do these, what you’re doing is you’re telling yourself that things can change.

    In so many little moments, we change our life. Start filling your day with these little changes, soon you’ll look back and see how much your life has changed. Trust me, I know. 🙂

  32. Theres only one practical solution for empaths or those who taste love from the edge of blade always .
    View everything as a transaction, every action you do, and focus on what’s that i am getting in return. If a tangible benefit,( remember it should be TANGIBLE, no lofty notions or abstract ideas will do) is being reciprocated to you when you go far and beyond for others, it’s a GO; else it NO GO.
    Start developing this habit. In a few years, you will be able to handle the world the way it is. The bonus is you can easily read the persona behind masks,self respect will come back to your psyche, and prioritising yourself will remove all needs of acceptance and self doubt.

  33. Get a pet. It expands your social life besides giving you joy, cuddles and love at home. When in lockdown I had to come back to my homeplace and none of my friends were in the same city, I felt lonely. But then I started taking my dog out on regular walks, he would attract a crowd, get smiles and awws. Eventually you ll get to know new people and might start bonding with someone. It is also a common interest. People with pets are on average more empathetic and caring. Get a labrador or some loving breed. If maintenance is an issue, bring home a toy pomeranian or shih tzu, they have great pretgy privilege and are extremely loyala nd exclusive to their owners, eat little, poop little. Or you can go to an adoption centre and check out which dog bonds with you well and adopt. One thing I ll recommend is, wherever u get ur dog from, go and interact with them first. We bond better with some. Like humans, animals also have different personalities. You don’t wanto to end up with a yappy, anti social, non cuddly dog. Trust me, been there, done that.

  34. Op you won’t get what you want from people who don’t have it for you no matter what you do. You sound like you are independent now, so change your social environment, try new hobbies and activities and meet people with similar values, believes and interest. You may meet lot of wrong people but trust me, you will find the people you are looking for.

  35. Seeking attention is something everyone seeks. But, it won’t be worth it. Having to take care of each other is nice and all, but in the end, most of the time you have to be with yourself. People will pay attention and what, it will be temporary happiness too. Nobody pays you attention all the time. We are not celebrities. We are common people.

    I am not saying having validation is wrong. Having it now and then is good. It gives you hope. But, if you show that as a weakness world is not sympathetic for you, but rather cruel. So, work on enjoying your own time and accept that people are gonna come if they wanna come otherwise let them go. Even if it is your parents.

  36. Sorry for making you feel that way, if your parents do not want you, they don’t deserve you.

    Op, this is the first step in your healing. Now that you know this, you can start the process of healing.

    You can only heal if you know what’s wrong, realising the problem first can only lead to steps for healing.

    Here’s what you can do to heal:

    1) Cut all contact with your parents, move out if you have the means. Because staying near them will only exacerbate your existential crisis that you have realised. You feel more pain.

    2) Fall in love. Go get a relationship. Not dating or finding your love just because of the supposed chance that your partner might cheat on you is very wrong. Without even giving the relationship a try you have already decided that it is going to fail.

    If people didn’t try we wouldn’t have electricity, light bulbs etc. Give it a try.

    It’s much better to stumble and fall than not learn how to walk at all.

    3) Go on a trip. Make some new friends.

    4) Do gaming.

    When you are stuck in a ditch, the only way is up. It’s the lowest point in your life, you can only go up from here.

  37. Dont try to force yourself to not feel, or find ways to avoid. Rather embrace the feeling and be honest to yourself that the love of parent that you are hoping to get may not happen. Ask yourself, im feeling this way and my body and mind are constantly reminding me to do something about it. The question is what can you do? What you wish to do? What is it that you actually need?

    Perhaps you need “belonging” a feeling of being wanted/needed in life. Every human needs this, a sense of purpose and circle of belonging. Ask yourself, did you strain/exhaust yourself just to get a little bit of love from your parent? If yes, that is okay. You are normal. Negative thoughts are a way our mind feels ease because it can predict.

    Now lastly, how do we fix this belonging issue? It isnt something that can be bought or changed overnight. It should happen naturally, so what things you should do so that you can get this sense of belonging? Perhaps trying something new and crazy would help?

    “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein.

    We are here to help 🙂

  38. I’m sorry you had no one to make you feel loved. That hurts so much, but the real breaking point is when you give up on yourself.

    I know this sounds bizzare, but we gotta find group/people who values us. Just like we switch jobs when we feel we are not valued at workplace. When we stop being friends with some who doesn’t value us. Bottomline is wake up your ego and self respect.

    Our worth do not lie in other people’s minds. It’s in us, you value yourself, tell yourself there’s a world out there to explore, people out there to meet, beauty out there to enjoy. That’s your responsibility to do for your self. You family didn’t love you enough, YOU don’t do the same to YOU!

    We only got few decades left in this world. Don’t waste it on others who do not deserve you.

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