Are engagement and marriage ceremonies for the couple or the relatives and parents ?

Are engagement and marriage ceremonies for the couple or the relatives and parents ?

My boyfriend and I have decided to get engaged. And we dreamt of a very small intimate get together with just our parents followed by nice food and lot of happy memories.
But the minute we told our parents we’ve decided to get engaged, it started spiralling out of control.
Earlier they agreed we could do an intimate get together like we imagined it and later do another event where they want to call all their relatives and friends.
But now it has spiraled out of control. Every time we talk to our parents the event seems to be getting bigger and bigger. And now they even cancelled our home get together because the elders and relatives will feel disrespected if they found out about the home ceremony. And what’s the point of exchanging rings twice.
I’m trying to make peace with it but all my wishes are being cancelled because our parents don’t want to offend anyone or no one does it that way or it’s supposed to be a certain way. We both feel we are being pushed to fit into a stereotypical mould of Indian culture and are made the side characters of the event. Our main job seems to be to keep everyone happy and feel respected. Quality over quantity means nothing to our parents.
Parents are afraid of being a laughing stock in the society if they do anything out of the ordinary or low key like I wanted.
Is this how all engagement and marriage ceremonies are ?


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  2. I am in the same boat, parents never understand. And they just think of the society and the social comfort which they want to have. Keep trying, I hope this works out well for you!

    And yes, most of the Indian marriages are like this afaik.

  3. Why don’t you tell them you guys are on a budget? Tell them that you want to spend your money on honeymoon to Switzerland or invest in a 3 bhk house in the poshest location wherever you are.

  4. Every couple I have spoken to in the last two years has a similar story. The only way to control these things is with money. Whoever is paying for it makes the final decisions. My mother and I got into a terrible argument when my sister was getting married because she was disregarding my sister and her husband’s wishes and doing everything SHE thought was right. I got yelled at, my mom was crying, and in the end, we did what she wanted, but she still feels sad that things weren’t perfect. This is also why I am refusing to get married. I don’t have the money to organize my own wedding, and I absolutely do not want to deal with all this drama.

    Good luck, OP! Book a lovely honeymoon and block everyone for a week to destress after the wedding!

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