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I feel like I’ve failed as a son. Need some suggestions.

I feel like I’ve failed as a son. Need some suggestions.

I am a working individual staying alone in a metro city. Neither my mom/dad boarded a flight nor they visited/stayed at a 5-star hotel. So for them it was a dream considering we belong to middle class. I have been saving money since last few months as I was planning a trip for them where I would fly them to my place and book a 5-star hotel for their entire stay.
A week ago, my mother’s friend was planning to visit another city for some work so she insisted my mom and dad to come with her as she would get some company. Her son (who lives in US) booked a business class ticket for all of them and also he booked 5-star hotel.
During their stay, my mom/dad sent me photos of the hotel, food and the airport which made me feel very bad. It made me feel like I have failed in my life as being their son, I wasn’t the first one. First experience is always memorable. Also, this is not the first time my mother’s friend has paid for these stuff.
This is not the first time though. Few months ago, she took my mom/dad to some expensive hotel to have dinner where the bill was 8-10K. I believe somewhere deep down my mom’s friend thinks I am not capable enough. Yes, I don’t have family wealth through which I can study in US but definitely I am trying my best.

I don’t know how to deal with these kinds of situations. I feel frustrated and low.

If anyone wants to share some suggestions, feel free to do so.

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24 Comments

  2. Don’t overthink it buddy.

    If my friend took me to a nice restaurant or on an all expenses paid trip, then I’d be over the moon.

    As long as they are not displaying toxic behaviour, I would be happy that your mom has such a friend.

    It’s unfortunate that you were not able to give them their first such experience, but there are many things and experiences that you can give them in the future when you are more capable.

    Either way, you are still their son and the parental bond is always stronger. Your existence and being available to support them through tough times is enough.

    Reply

  3. Well i understand the reason why you’re feeling that way but on the bright side your parents were probably very happy regardless and trust me they would never feel the way you described. Also I’m assuming you’re in your 20s if so then you’ve got plenty of time to sort things out and be successful.

    Reply

  5. Trust me the way they would brag when u would do smthing for them would be smthing else all together. What would make that flight special would be that it would be sponsored by their son.

    Reply

  8. you have to be patient. i’m nearing 30 and still dont have ac or car. hell, i’m living in a house that was last renovated when my parents bought it 29 years ago.🙂

    Reply

  11. It’s not always the same for both of you . If he is staying in the US , he can’t meet his parents as regularly as you . Sure he can buy them nice things but won’t be able to create memories with them. On the other hand you might not have enough money , but you can give them your time way more than he can . You’ll have more chances to create new memories . Not everyone has everything .

    Reply

  12. You book the tickets. And you take them with you. Sure, it won’t be a new experience for them. But this time, they’re going with you. That’ll matter more to them. It holds true even if you’re not going. They’ll proudly tell friends and relatives that they’re going to this place and you’re booking their tickets and so on.

    Remember, you never will be upstaged by an outsider where your parents are concerned.

    Oh, and screw your mom’s friend.

    Reply

  15. LOL! Sharma ji ladka took it to next level.

    Chill bro just be happy that they got to experience business class and five star hotel, it sucks that you were not the first one to do it but make sure you definitely do something nice for them in future.

    Reply

  20. I am pleading to you.. whatever plans you want to make please make it soon. It is not required for your plans to be grand as an international trip .. make a luxurious domestic trip with flight and 5 star hotel stay.

    I regret waiting for the perfect situation to fulfill my parents dreams. While I was like let me save to get a big car…by then my dad passed away in covid. Then i realised,it’s useless to wait for perfection.. whatever time you have at hand now is perfect.

    Reply

  26. Wanna know failed? 31 and making 23k a month (that’s with incentives). 21k without. Unmarried. So, take what you have and build on it. Atleast you’ll be better than what I am now and what I earn.

    Reply

  27. #stay toxic

    If my parents compare me to others, I compare them to others. So and so’s parents paid the down payment towards their house. So and so’s parents found them a good husband/wife. They stopped doing this a long time ago.

    Reply

  30. The other lady’s son stays in another country. He is compensating for his guilt by spending on his mom and her friends. Be happy for them as you would want them to be for you if you went on a free vacation

    Reply

  32. Asian culture is so bad they are so proud of comparing without even noticing how they hurt their children. I have been in US for more than 20 years my parents are still unhappy that I didnt do enough , but the fact is your job is to be indepdent adult and not be a burden to society and be a good human being. Stay away from asian rat race. Wealth does not have to equate to money. Wealth can be spiritual mental and health too.

    Reply

  33. first stop feeling like this your parents are more than happy then you think also plss save this money for future i feel hers friends son if financially good also he can spend a lot in india as he is earning in dollars…soo work hard and smart and save instead of going behind materialistic things insted take them to trips like greenary eg kerala,srilanka etc,you wont get this experience anywhere

    Reply

  34. other people being nice to your parents should not affect how much you care for your parents. your care for them does not diminish because you couldnt afford them a trip. now that the flights/hotel wish is fulfilled, you could start looking into other ways you can show you care for them. but for them most likely you thinking about them in itself is more satisfying that what you can buy for them.

    Reply

  35. OK buddy i have read it all and i am someone who has faced it first hand but in my case these were cousins who booked these sorts of things of my parents and they even went to abroad once. Now what i would suggest you plan a trip india or abroad you choose take proper holiday and just book a trip for them and you go along doesnt matter a 5 star, fancy ass resturant , opera show u get the idead .. but involve star in a good airbnb, a resturant decent enough but has special dishes to offer ,view to offer, tickets to some sort of museum -fort performers with folk/stories performance, a visit to historic place with a good guide interact with them and parent to make them feel included and appreciated, go out in street after dinner for a while for peaceful walk in a new city is serene, buy meaningful present for them -not ur usual new phone, gadget,perfume etc unless it is what they want example- my father used to read alot of books but stopped around when we were younger and he sometimes said Dale carnegie is his fav book and then goes on to never buy that and similar with mother over heard her say he liked a color of silk saree a never buy it thinking of cost etc, i went on to give them these two well thought gifts trust me it will be much more important/valuable to them then even a ticket to EDM front row for some.. u get the point and make sure they dont use the phones too much apart from taking photos or maybe few occasional call dont snack phone just make them busy and involved in experience we used to come from trip and then talk about it for hrs like simple discussion about the times and those sort and then have dinner and walks you must again the point.
    Now that you must have got a gist of it must be thinking how come this seemingly simple inexpensive and quite non blingy trip ne better or worse than airplanes and 5 star.

    *The answer to which lies in this passange*
    After we came back and i went to my working city , my sister msged that they have made an album of the city trip we went and refused to show this in mobile and present to guests proudly showing what we did there and how mujch they loved it.
    I would end by a quote said by a very wise man
    “the best gift one can give to other is the experiences you know will move them”.

    Reply

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