What’s the oldest age I can marry and still be able to plan a family / have children?

What’s the oldest age I can marry and still be able to plan a family / have children?

It’s a super weird question, but I am trying to figure out when I must have to marry if I want to start a family and have kids (as a man).

1. From what I read, a woman’s fertility starts decreasing around 32, and you should have at least 2-year gap between children, so my future partner should have the first child by the age of 30 and the second by 32.

2. Most women want their partner to be max 3 years older than them, so I would be 33 and 35 then.

3. Considering I wouldn’t want to have children right after marriage and want to spend at least 2 years with my partner alone, I should marry at the age of 31.

4. Considering finding a partner takes at least 1 year, I should start looking at the age of 30?

Can anyone comment on my thinking process and correct me wherever I am wrong? I am 29 now, and I don’t want to start looking already (unless I have no choice). Is it possible to marry any later and still have a family?

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  1. I am in my late 40’s and in the pool of our generation of school mates, we have kids ranging from 3 year olds to 30 . Some of us have already become grandparents. And there is someone who called me last week to enquire about schools for their KG kid. My kids are in high school and college.

    So, don’t overthink, but it is norm to have kids in late 30’s now(for females) , but I see they have less energy to raise them but good maturity and financial stability.

    If you are 29 now, it really doesn’t matter if you get married now or in another year. In another 5 years, you would be wondering why you have waited so long and that after all marriage is not bad.

    Btw, fertility problems are very real. So, don’t assume you will have kids ready by the time you want and that will also generate unnecessary tension.

  2. You are a good planner bro. My take. Just follow your mind. If you find your life partner, just get married. It can be at 30 or 40 or even 50. Marriage and living with a partner that you love is life. Kids are by products.

  3. I don’t have an answer for your query but just wanted to add that not just female fertility, even guys suffer from PE/ED and other fertility issues as their age progresses.

    Also, fertility is extremely subjective and differs from individual to individual and is influenced by genes and environment as well, among other factors.

  4. If you leave out the exceptions, the sperm of a normal human male is generally good upto mid-fifties. The count decreases after that so the probability of fertilisation decreases but the sperm is just as potent.

  5. Many women want only a single child. Or may decide to stay “one and done” after having traumatic experience during first childbirth. So you can’t make that decision alone that let’s have 2 kids.

  6. Timing your future is just senseless according to me. Because life is uncertain. Just because today everyone wants to marry late and have kids late doesn’t mean you should also follow.

    Oftentimes we think we have to plan a career etc and all is Bullshit because a vast majority of them will not have any or significant improvement in that 1-2 or 3 years.

    A question you should ask yourself is when your kids get married would you want to be an old guy who is on a wheelchair or be young enough to even support your grandchild and spend a good time in your last few years.

    I have seen countless grandparents not able to see their grandchilds because we want to push everything by mere 1-2 years.

    It’s all about priority, or an excuse
    Marrying someone is a life changing event, having a child is a life changing event and feeling that you have your own family now and it gives you a different purpose in life altogether.

    Goodluck with your masterplan in the boardroom.

  7. I was first time pregnant with twins at 39 all natural and it wasn’t planned. We were planning to go childfree and live the DINK life (Double Income No kids) but we considered the pregnancy a blessing and accepted whatever came with it. Now we have two thriving toddlers of almost 3 years old and I am 42. Financial stability check, possibility to hire help of needed check but we are doing fine without. Sometimes miracles happen but it is an odd ball. Otherwise with IV technology even women in 70s are giving birth these days 🤣.

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  9. If you are worried about all that then you should probably start looking so that you can make a good choice and not a rushed one since sometimes the AM process goes longer than expected

  10. If you intend to get married.. Do so when you’re ready and take life as it comes. Your calculations won’t work planning ahead when it comes to falling in love, maintaining a relationship, financial stability, getting pregnant, having no health issues etc.. if there was an algorithm for stuff like that, world would have been like that Lego movie.. “everything is awesome”

  11. Wow. you really can schedule your entire love life like a military operation, right? I’m sure your future partner will appreciate being penciled into your busy life agenda. Just remember, while it’s good to plan, flexibility can be a valuable skill too. 😉

  12. Your number 4 is false. It can take less than a year or even more than a year. When it takes longer it becomes a never ending process and could take many years.

  13. I wish you the best but remember…

    Man plans, God laughs

    (everything usually happens for the best though… So don’t worry too much. Go ahead and plan and then go with the flow)

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